Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
