The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
