I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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