ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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