Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
