I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
All the doctor said was why
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
