Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
