Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
operation have a gay friend backfired
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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