yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
