My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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