roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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