Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
