i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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