god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
