I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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