Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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