What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
