Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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