I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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