Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
