You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize