It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
