He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It's official drugs can't kill me
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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