You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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