By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
