Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
