Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize