Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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