She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
