We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
