I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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