Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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