I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize