So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
