Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize