he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
