i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
