I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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