So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
