I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
