I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
