i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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