she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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