LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
