Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
As shirtless as possible
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
