There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
