dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
