Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
