She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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