she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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