did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He passed out mid-signature
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
