she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
