After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
