I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want her autograph on my taint
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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