guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
