His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
