How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
