I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
