so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
