i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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