walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize