I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
