She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize