I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
