This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
