every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
