i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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