Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
