and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
