I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
