gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
