You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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