I look better un-naked...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
This is the high leading the old right now
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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