i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
