..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
