His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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