Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
