Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
