Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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